An
artist’s life is the perfect canvas to get closer to moksha. The line came to me spontaneously as I closed my eyes to
chart the life of my dearest wife. In the current era of single currency [that
is money, unlike the days of barter system], priceless elevated experiences or personal upliftment
cannot but get undervalued.
In a
world where a software engineer in his twenties earns for his company or self-
three hundred dollars per day for writing say less than 300 hundred lines of
code, whereas a dancer who has to practice for 300 hundred hours for a 30
minutes performance is probably expected to perform free – the commitment to
become a devoted dancer can only be felt and seen to be understood. More so for
an ambitious person like Lara with a Masters from one of the leading
universities of the world. The decision to take up dancing, over an impactful
and luxurious corporate career, says it all.
Lara’s
stunning beauty and poise as a dancer which juxtapose to mesmerize, add to the heightened
feeling of poetry personified. However, while watching a performance, little
does one realize the punishing work ethic that Lara subjects herself to – hungry
for perfection in every step and pause.
Like
every dancer, Lara loves the moments addiction of a rousing performance. But to
live for that moment, she has to tread process of reaching there. The very
process of learning dance is a spiritual experience. The deep self-awareness of
one self every moment. The cosmic connect when practicing and performing, the
devotion to ones guru. The divinity and legend of a classical dance form. All
add to the spiritual experience – and like any spiritual experience, it is a
mix of bliss and catharsis.
Well
not just the process of learning dance, living the life of a dancer is equally
transforming. Since that decision to continue to pursue dance post her Masters
(almost a decade earlier) till recently, Lara has been either working two full-time
professions parallel in the toughest city of the world – New York, or she is in
India without an income or an American lifestyle in India and Odisha learning
dance. When in New York, she had had to full time to live to perform free. But
she could not taking a demanding [read well paid] job, so that she could
practice and promote Odissi in New York. The artist’s capital of the world. Morning
5am to evening 9pm, every day for seven years. Jogging to keep fit, practicing
to be ready, working to keep the gas burning, teaching to sow the seeds of
Odissi. Foregoing all the indulgences of good to look and good to feel during
the prime years to buying costumes, books, studio place to teach &
practice. That is what passion, devotion – bhakti - is all about.
She
has at every step of her tryst with Odissi – which started at a very young age
– fought off all the ‘demons’ [as they call in any spiritual journey] which
tried to lure here away from her god, her love. Pangs of physical pain,
familial discouragement, unfamiliar terrain of Odisha, work ambitions,
performers fear, interpersonal dynamics in dance world, stage fear,
undemocratic behavioural mores of classical dance world, and sometimes the
blatant show of poor value quotient among other things have forced her to think
twice multiple times. The added pressure of handling stress adds its own layers
of complexes and defences. The dream looks a a little jaded and the real life
issues look much larger.
But
she has hung on for the joy of expression and for the search for emancipation.
Not as a means to an end – but an end in itself. Every dancer has always dreamt
stage adulation. But that is just the side story. But even the best of them –
know or knew – that the amount of hard work and commitment to just be a serious
practitioner is a million times more than leading a comfortable corporate life.
The real drive is the connect from the unknown to dance to the cosmic tune. A
tryst with Moksha.
The
zeal with which Lara, my dearest wife, is committed to fight away the layers of
veil and challenge oneself and out stronger every day – is to me a path of
self-realisation every moment. The baring of the soul at the altar or art. An
Artist’s Nirvana.
Bhubaneshwar
June
30, 2012
[PS: This post is
written as a bio feature for Lara’s blog The Artist’s Nirvana, sonalidance.wordpress.com.]
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