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Unabashed Disclosures…

Its been a good thousand years since I have written, yeah looks so far behind in the past. Me seems to have become a different person in the interim. Muted, morphed and almost wearing a looong whirrrrrrr by my ears. The buzz of female fatale notwithstanding. Almost a feeling of insanity - without the periodic cathartic mingling with the printed matter.

Mind you – its not just not-blogging hello to my alter-ego or not writing some nice lovable letters [I hardly do the latter anyways] - I haven’t even read anything of substance. No, not even nuanced literature to sooth my nerves.

But it’s the Phoenix which rises from the ashes….and yet again history repeats itself [or it promises – at this moment]. As I was poring away into my murky self, with a general sense of jaded distaste, suddenly something gleamed. A sense of illumination, [The idea of blogging was the effect not the cause] and it runs as follows.

I am normally a jaded, irritated and low tolerance self, when am in a mono-dimensional state of mind. When I pack a lot of one type of activity for days together. Its like the capacitive charge that is not replenished even for a moment and is continuously discharged till the figurative death hits and lingers. Am I to leave everything to chance – and hope that variety and zing [read beauty and aesthetics] keeps brushing against myself again and again in period intervals like a simple harmonic motion to keep the engine going? So as to have the whistle – literally - in place.

Left to chance – without the gardener – the grass will get inevitably unruly. What is that illuminating gleam and the cause of the blog - once again. But what is to be done then, when the case is not that simple. The crux to a relaxed and naturally regenerative state of mind is to always have a part of the glass [in the perceived capacity of the mind] unfilled. At any point in time, whatever I do and howsoever focused or occupied I think am, I need to keep that mental slot open for an unplanned digression – an unexpected phone call, an unsought urgent mail, or the unwanted visitor. Simply put, always need to be mentally free [or open] to absorb, the wee bit – the additional variable. Its all in the mind – to let it in or shut it out. To organize the clutter or let the clutter cut through the peace is the moot point.

It is the small games that we play with ourselves. When we hit our immediate apparent capacity – we can just succumb to it and accept it. The other option is to tell – hey look, it is time to extend the frontiers a bit more. Increase the size of the pond, to hold that extra bit for the rainy days – so as to avoid an overflowing puddle at the wrong time and at the wrong place.

So next time, it is something I am deeply into something – I should know – I can as well get a call-up from somewhere else [which I probably would normally like] and keep that little bit of space. That ll help give that lil smile when something / someone else beckons, even at the most ‘occupied’ of moments. Hopefully, it will limit [even if not fully ward off] the number of times that I feel jaded and insane. The take away then…for sanity and smiles, keep the pot on the top, a lil bit empty…all the while.

Reading it again – and concomitantly stepping a step back from the immediate trigger – what really is the grain or the takeaway? Extrapolating the utterly commonsensical realization a bit further. Be it for a moment or a day. Or a month or a life time – it is critical to keep a healthy part of an appetite intact to enjoy the unexpected delicious sweet dish that will come up from nowhere. Most of the times, that will make me feel light and help in elegantly negotiating a distraction or dodging off any muck that confronts. To reiterate, to also relish [and not impatiently reject] the probabilistic or cosmic rosogolla that comes the way.

September 09, 2010

Ps: During the second read, I noticed – that have gotten to like this expression ‘a thousand years’. I seem to have used it more than a few times, the last few months.


  1. started well...then has meandered a round of editing will pep it up well.


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